Managing editor Michelle Pini uncovers the truth about Anzac biscuits, why they must be packaged in tins and the ultimate sacrifice according to anti-woke patriots.
ACCORDING to dinky-di patriotism expert, partner of former Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce and Daily Telegraph columnist Vikki Campion:
‘Woolworths is saying the fresh food people need to prioritise profit over honouring veterans.'
Why a publicly listed, Australian supermarket chain in a free market economy would exercise its right to stock things that sell is anyone’s guess, but Campion attempts to explain the real issue lurking beneath the unfathomable reason they will now only sell Anzac biscuits in packets:
‘Woolworths’ decision to stop selling limited edition Anzac biscuit tins is a kick in the guts to families who incorporated it into their commemorations for our our [sic] country’s bravest.’
Campion continues:
'The biscuit tins … honour the ultimate sacrifice of veterans injured and killed defending Australia.’
So, firstly, only eating Anzac biscuits packaged in tins (probably manufactured overseas) says, “I care about the sacrifice our Anzacs made”. Bikkies wrapped in paper packaging simply will not cut it. Obviously.
Secondly, while the limited edition tins are available at RSLs and other retailers, it's imperative the featured family in this exposé – who represent every biscuit consumer – be able to buy the tins only at Woolies supermarkets and can’t possibly be expected to shop directly from their local RSL, or another grocery retailer.
And thirdly, the fact that Woolworths is stocking Anzac Day badges and donating all the proceeds to the ANZAC Appeal – as acknowledged by the RSL on its website – is neither here nor there because there won’t be any more tins! In Woolies!
Stone the crows!
And if you’re still struggling to follow Vikki’s intellectual drift, here (or indeed, anywhere), Woolworths is the bad guy. You see, this Anzac tin infraction is only the retailer’s latest violation of what it means to be Australian, preceded just a few months earlier when Woolworths decided to no longer stock crappy, Australia Day merchandise manufactured in Asia on Invasion Day. And it cited cultural sensitivity, so, 'ya know, how un-Australian can it be?
...ONLY eating Anzac biscuits packaged in tins (probably manufactured overseas) says, “I care about the sacrifice our Anzacs made”.
If that’s not enough to get you riled up, cleverly concealed beneath the heart-wrenching photo of a family who is simply devastated because they can’t get another tin – from Woolworths – to ‘add to their commemorations in honour of the ultimate sacrifice of veterans injured and killed defending Australia’, here is the actual point:
‘This contradiction in their actions, where they [Woolworths] claim to be burdened by the sale of Anzac biscuit tins but can afford significant political donations to the Yes campaign, is hard to ignore.’
Ohh! So it’s about the contradiction! It’s about the wokeness! It’s about the, well … the flag! Keep up, people!
It may also be about major competitor supermarket chain Wesfarmers’, who own Coles, political donations to the Liberal Party. Wesfarmers contribute more than $100,000, every year, to the Liberal Party — though they do the same for the Labor Party.
It seems Woolworths, meanwhile, only donated about $10K to both major parties. Possibly, that just doesn’t buy enough bikkie tins…
We can’t speculate whether either or both of these political donation arrangements have been or will be discontinued following the supermarket duopoly’s support for the Yes campaign.
However, Coles, who purportedly still stocks Anzac biscuits in tins and plastic Australia Day crap as well, is also in the Liberal Party’s bad books. Opposition Leader Peter Dutton went after both retailers recently, revealing the Coalition is ‘working on a plan to forcibly break up the supermarket giants' — because, 'ya know, the cost of living has nothing to do with his previous government’s economic policies.
But it's Campion who, once again, put it so succinctly with the following:
'It’s disheartening to see Woolworths – a company that was one of the biggest donors to the Yes campaign, contributing a staggering $1.56 million to divide Australia – refuse to support those who unite us.'
Because, 'ya know, the No campaign united us all. And so do the biscuit tin manufacturers. And newspaper moguls. And fossil fuel corporations. But definitely not woke supermarket chains.
Wesfarmers also supported the Yes campaign, to the tune of $2 million, so let’s hope Coles don’t stop stocking beer or there’ll be hell to pay! After all, nothing proves how Strayan we are like multiple slabs of beer to go with the bikkie tins and plastic gold and green stuff. Maaate!
So, to summarise, it’s the wokeness, it’s all that Yes campaign support, it’s the bikkies in the tins, it's the diggers, it's ... the vibe!
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You can follow managing editor Michelle Pini on Twitter @vmp9. Follow Independent Australia on Twitter/X @independentaus and Facebook HERE.
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