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The strange, perplexing and often disturbing confessions of a long-time consumer of Rupert Murdoch’s ‘The Australian’, as told to Gee.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License
The confessions of an Australian crap-eater
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13 Comments
The most reprehensible decision I have taken in all my life was in the mid sixties by purchasing his stinking newspaper and to do so for 45 years – please forgive me ??
Rarely have I encountered such honesty and courage. I am only shocked that having consumed so much of that crap you are still able to string together such elegant phrases. Thank you for sharing.
I have to forgive myself first, lawriejay – and thank you, Dr Dog, for your elegant compliment.
Gee, I also commend your efforts. Having never been fully exposed to this type of spiralling self abuse, my vivid imagination takes over and I weep for you. Stay strong and find a mantra that will soothe your soul and strengthen your spirit.
lawriejay – the key is to forgive yourself, as gjac says. After 45 years and a full and contrite confession, you have earned it.
Maybe there should be a support group established to assist with the struggles these poor unfortunates are dealing with on a daily basis?
I like the Philip K Dick reference.
What is it to be human?…
Do androids dream of electric abbotts?…
Alas…
Jeez talk a bout the agony of being human!
Gee that pit toilet reminds me of the first place I read a Murdoch rag. Way back as a kid in our outside dunny in the Gong. I remember the dunny carts too.
Wait a minute, my beautiful old mum is on the phone …… where was I? Oh yeah mum just told me as a kid I only read Golden Books. She told me I used the Murdoch rags either rolled like a club up to fight off the snakes & spiders or in pieces to wipe my arse.
So the moral maybe don’t trust childhood memories. Or it’s time. To stop eating shit. Or after so much crap eating Gee you are now such an expert you will not accept it from Abbotts.
A mystery within an enigma wrapped in a riddle complicated by the unknown.
Ah, the memories of Edwardes Lake- just a stone throweth from Andasteel- a place of sweat, heat and stinking hot slabs of freshly gas axed mild steel plate ready for turning into machines- machines that made the 2.6 litre four cylinder engine for the Mitsubishi Sigma. Yes, I am partly to blame for that sodding engine.
Edwardes Lake features in Shane Maloney’s brilliantly funny political caper ‘Sucked In’ starring his woe begone North Suburban Labor Party Staffer – Mr Murray Whelan. Not giving anything away here but the lake has a starring role in this story as well as this damn clever link twixt Mr Gee, Rupert Merkin, Mr Murray Whelan and my good self, Fauntleroy J. Tungstenator Esq.
We all left the place. Quickly. Not that is is unpleasant there. Quite the opposite, with it’s leafy walks and multicultural mix of Sapiens Homo.
Gee, torn from his Preston school buddies at his Father’ behest, me trying to do anything but go back to bloody Andasteel and cut metal with flame, and Murray Whelan because, well, he had to do what Shane Maloney made him do.
So what about Rupert Merkin? How does he slither into this?
Well, SOMEONE had to provide the wrapper for the bait fish when we went carping at the Lake, didn’t they?
P.S I wouldn’t know Shane Maloney from a bar of soap. All I know is that the Murray Whelan books are a hoot – with a Labor Staffer front and centre.
Read Aussie Books.
….but f*ck The Australian newspaper.
Thank you all for your support and humour. I’m determined now to have a shower and carry on…
Fauntleroy J: I’ve had Shane Maloney’s Whelan novels on my to-be-read list for some time and now you’ve given me the impetus to get hold of them. Thanks.
And Rastus: when my mind finally caves in, its last memory will be the Golden Books’ Taxi That Hurried, which I’ve now (rather worryingly) used twice in cartoons.
Hi Guys,
Don’t you just love Democracy and The Age, our most Balanced “newspaper”, publishes Michelle Grattans diatribes against Julia and if you dare say:
“Geez Michelle,
Back 3 days and already sticking the boots into Julia. Wondering what she has done to upset you a la most of 2012?”
Commenter; Phil Date and time January 23, 2013, 6:43AM
Rejected.
“As I won’t get in here anyway, I ask Ms Grattan:
- Why does she hate Julia Gillard so much she never writes a scintilla of anything positive about anything Julia or the Govt achieves in terms of policy achievement especially last year in passing great Reformist Legislation in the last week such as NDIS, Education Reform, Murray Valley etc whilst the Noalition was on about something 20 years old in their never ending, destructive smear campaigns.
- Why don’t you Ms Grattan, investigate the Conspiracy to bring down the Govt via Ashbygate?
- Why don’t you investigate Abbot’s Slush Fund to destroy Hanson?
- Why don’t you investigate why Victoria Police is dragging its feet over Jackson and the HSU?
- Why hasn’t Craig Thomson been charged yet….WITH ANYTHING….given his life has been stripped bare by VicPol, FWA Investigations, Federal Cops or NSW cops yet his life & family, has been attacked by your boy Phoney and his mates relentlessly?
Could it be that all that would take more than the 24 hour news cycle to put together?
Commenter: Phil Date and time Today, 06:56AM
Rejected.
Zeig Heil Gina and Singo.
Stalag Luft Fairfux.
So already the year has started with Gratten grassing on the PM. It was folly to expect otherwise though hope springs eternal. I fear this will not be the year where J.Gillard skewers Abbotts Monkey Molded Mush into the Murky Mire. For flip’s sake Julia, start KICKING HEADS girl!
And good Ole Singo- That heady mix of Clive Palmer and Les Patterson separated at birth…. who’s greatest contribution to Australian culture was “Where d’ya geddit?” Fuck me, I’m filled with priiide maaate!
I’m crying into my Dick Smith cereal.
When, when, WHEN will the crack shots in the ALP begin venting their spleen by jumping on Abbott and Co’s…. ’cause if I have to put up with that vile bunch of turd burglars much longer, I may just start voting for Simpson’s Donkey.
Tungstenator, share your grief as ever, but what I want is names! Who in the parliamentary Labor party have gone to the darkside and are holding things up? Like who are waiting in line for directorships etc etc?